I often think of people in terms of rhythm, whether it be a drum, music, or a dance. Each person has a unique beat, which they use in relating to others. Sometimes our beats are in sync, and sound like a beautiful piece of music. Other times they seem to be passing each other, and in parallel places. They may be competing for the lead role, or trying to negotiate the blending of their beats. It’s an art, and a challenge for many of us.
Just as individuals have their own rhythm, they also dance to their own music. In watching and being involved with people as a life path guide, teacher, and therapist in a variety of relationships, I have observed their dance. In relationships we negotiate when to start the dance, who leads, who follows, and the styles of our dance. If one of us wants to dance the Tango, and the other wants to dance a Slow Dance, we could have a problem.
Just as the styles of our dance differ, so does our ability to lead, follow, and negotiate on the dance floor of relationships. I can remember taking a Ballroom Dance class, and my dance partner was a very strong lead. It was difficult to always follow, and resist the temptation to take the lead role. When should we follow, lead, or change the dance all together?
That is where the dance comes in . Our dance and our rhythm is meant to blend. We are all one, and effect each other in the Universal Web of Life. So if we’re unable to communicate, negotiate, follow the lead, and be the leaders, we run the risk of each dancing our own dance, and not blending and working together.
How can we recognize this and work with our partners, our friends, our colleagues, our families, our communities, and the world? It starts by acknowledging your dance. What is your style? Do you like Ballroom, Salsa, Tango, Ballet, Tap, Cha-Cha, Slow Dance, Free Flow Dance, or any of the many styles available? What resonates with your rhythm and beat?
Then look at those you have relationships with . What is their dance style? Is it in sync with yours, or totally different? How do you blend? How do you struggle to dance together?
This can give you a different perspective on many things, not only in relationships, but life in general.
I encourage you to try it, and see what you think. When I’m sitting in my office with couples who are having difficulty , I talk to them about their dance. We talk about their arguments and differing points of view as them negotiating their dance. It’s often a revelation for them, and an “Ah ha moment”, where the lightbulb goes on . It’s a pivotal turning point.
I encourage you to dance, as I remember the song played at my daughter’s Fifth Grade Graduation and sung by her teachers , I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack. There was not a dry eye among the parents.
Enjoy the beauty of your Dance.
Tammy Zumbo, Life Path Guide, Teacher and Therapist
Balance Psychotherapy and Energy Wellness